5 Ways to Maintain Boundaries During the Holidays
You've probably heard about boundaries but what they are and how we establish them are important questions we don't always know the answer to.
What are Boundaries?
Setting boundaries is your way of looking out for yourself. Think of a boundary like a pause button. It's not an impenetrable wall or rudeness or selfishness. Boundaries are a way to help you say "no, that's enough" when you need to say it most.
Imagine a person, Glenn, arriving at a family thanksgiving meal: their mom is asking when she'll be getting grandkids while Glenn's cousin is asking for money and Glenn's phone keeps buzzing with work emails. All the while, the family dog keeps jumping on Glenn's leg.
That's a lot going on. Any of these could leave Glenn feeling stressed, drained, anxious, and bending over backward to make others feel comfortable. What Glenn needs most is to take a beat and respond in a way that's best for him, not in a way that makes him feel worse.
Now, if Glenn were to set boundaries, he would silence his phone, tell his cousin no, tell the dog to sit, and let his mom know that the grandkids will come when they come. Seems easy enough to say, but it's a lot more difficult to do.
Types of Boundaries:
There are six types of boundaries you can set:
- Emotional – Glenn saying no to his mother pushing for grandchildren
- Physical – stopping the dog from jumping
- Time – not answering work emails when he's not on the clock
- Intellectual – not getting sucked into political debates at the dinner table
- Material – saying no to lending money
- Sexual – Glenn letting his partner know when it's the right time
Why is Maintaining Boundaries so Hard?
It's hard to maintain boundaries because we're often taught to put other people's feelings first. Glenn doesn't want to offend his mother or cousin. He feels pressured by those work emails because he has deadlines to meet.
There are countless reasons why we want to put others first, but what matters most is what you need at the moment.
How to Maintain Boundaries During the Holidays:
- Prioritize what you need to do and what can wait – Also known as a "must-do, can-wait" list. This helps you figure out what you need to focus on and what can wait.
- What do you want out of the holidays? – Figure out what you want and need and how can you best achieve that.
- Set a timer – it helps to set a time limit and to stick to it. Need to go to that work cocktail party? Stay for an hour or two and when your time is up, it's time to leave.
- Take a break from social media – don't get caught up in the influx of holiday posts. Especially if you find yourself comparing your experiences with everyone else.
- Think of ways to redirect uncomfortable conversations – Now more than ever it's become more difficult to disengage from conversations about politics, race, religion, and more. Take some time to think of ways to change the course of conversations to keep them light and festive
Take Some Time For You
Perhaps most importantly these holidays, take some time for yourself. Whether it's five minutes to compose yourself before dinner or an afternoon of relaxation with just you and a book.
Aspyn Market is here to help you recenter yourself when you need it with our on-demand coaching sessions. From boundaries and expectations to professional growth and healing, you'll find resources to help you every step of the way.
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