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See You In The AM: A Mental Health Podcast

See You In The AM:
A Mental Health Podcast

Available wherever you get your podcasts.

Episode: Being Introverted with Vicky Regina

Show Notes

"The more that you lean into your introverted spirit, the more that you shine without having to sacrifice your energy or without having to be overly exposed."

In today's episode, we will discuss the roles women take on and how introverts can use their power in these roles with Aspyn Coach Vicky Regina. Vicky is a certified coach focused on empowering and educating introverted women to embrace their true nature and create the life they truly desire.

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Transcript

Allie Nickle: 

Hello and welcome to the See You in the AM podcast,where we explore the many facets of mental health and wellness,share our personal experiences,interview mental health experts,and offer practical tips and resources to help you prioritize your mental wellness.I'm your co-host,Allie Nickle from Aspyn Market,and I'm joined by my friend,business partner and founder of Aspyn Market Wynter Johnson.We know there are a lot of mental health resources out there and it's overwhelming to find the right resources that fit your needs,time and budget.So we're here to help.In each episode,we'll talk with one of Aspyn Market's mental health experts,and dig into a mental health topic that we know so many of us struggle with.In today's episode,we will discuss the roles women take on and how introverts use their power in those roles with Aspyn Coach Vicky Regina.Vicky is a certified coach,focused on empowering and educating introverted women to embrace their true nature and create the life they truly desire.Hi Vicky,and thanks so much for joining us.

Vicky Regina: 

Well,thanks Allie and Wynter.I'm so excited to be here and to talk about this.

Allie Nickle: 

Yes,I,uh,as a woman and an introvert myself,I am super excited to really start digging in.So with that,I'll hand it over to Wynter.

Wynter Johnson: 

Thank you,Allie.Um,Vicky,like Allie said,also as an introvert and a woman,I'm super excited to talk to you today.We have been loving your sessions on the Aspyn Coaching app and really wanna dig into some of these topics some more with you.Um,so we can't thank you enough for being here.

Vicky Regina: 

Oh,thank you.I'm excited.

Wynter Johnson: 

Uh,before we get started,do you wanna tell us a little bit about you and your coaching and how you got started and why you really focus on introverts and personality traits and women and all the amazing things you do?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,no,great question.So,uh,I was in corporate for23years and,uh,I I got into coaching about probably like2015,2016.I got certified around that time because I was in a job that was great job,great company,but just didn't light my fire.It just wasn't,you know,I didn't see myself really spending the rest of my life doing that job.And so I was,had always really loved personal growth,personal development.Uh,I was also a manager.It was publicly20of my23years.I was a manager.And one of my just favorite parts of just my job in general was working with my direct reports and mentoring them and helping them,uh,to grow in their,in their careers.And so I was new to the idea of coaching,found out about coaching,and was like,oh.I think this,this might be what is a better path for me.So I went to coaching school,got certified,took about a year to get certified,and then did that on the side of my corporate job for a few years.Uh,and then got laid off in the fall of2021and was like,okay,great,I'm gonna go all in on my business.Uh,so I work with introverts.I didn't initially focus on introverts,but I decided to do that after really kind of hearing that inner,inner calling for a few,the first few years.Uh,just hearing this like,you really need to work with introverts because I felt like introverts just don't have a lot of support out there.At least I wasn't seeing any inter uh,supports for introverts and being a,I like to say I'm a hardcore but proud introvert.Uh,I went through the process of,and I feel like this is the story for most introverts,you feel like you're,you're like,there's something wrong with you.You know,you grow up feeling like,you know,you're this fish out of water where everybody just,you know,they love going out and socializing and having all this fun,and you're like,I just wanna go home and read a book on Friday night and not stay out until three o'clock in the morning and you know,what's wrong with me?Why can't I be like everybody else?And going from that space to eventually in my thirties,starting to learn more about what it meant to be introverted and recognizing that one,I'm not this weirdo that's just out there by myself.There's,there's a lot of us.And then two,once I really understood it,I was able to really start just embracing,you know,what I bring to the table,which helped me to start to step away from that feeling like I was at a disadvantage for being an introvert.So that really fueled,long story short,that really fueled my desire to work with introverts,uh,to help them to get to that space as well.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love that.You know what,it is interesting because there is a time where you think,what is wrong with me?And I remember being in college and thinking,I don't wanna go out tonight,I just wanna stay home.Um,and I would power through and it would be uncomfortable and awkward.And the next day you would think,why did I do that?You know?Um,but I think there's a lot of things recently,a lot of,um,conversation around introverts and how it's,there's nothing wrong with you.It's actually a very powerful personality trait.So I can't wait to dig into that.But before we do,do you wanna really walk us through,uh,you know,what is a true introvert and what are the difference between introverts and extroverts,and what does that really,how do you define that?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,so a lot of people,well,I'll get into some of the misconceptions in a minute,but when it comes to what the difference is between introverts and extroverts,it's really how you source your energy.Uh,and,and there's some other little things,uh,around that.But,you know,introverts need to be,generally,need to be alone to refuel their battery.If we think about like our energy sources,like a battery,like your phone,where you plug into the wall for introverts,plugging yourself into the wall is spending time alone to refuel,refuel yourself.Whereas extroverts is the opposite.They get that energy recharged by being around other people.So there's also little things like external stimuli,like how sensitive you are to external stimuli.So introverts tend to be a lot more sensitive to external stimuli,whereas extroverts are less sensitive.So in highly stimulating environments,introverts get overwhelmed,they get really drained a lot faster.Whereas extroverts tend to start to thrive on that.Um,so that's where sometimes in,in,you know,corporate situations or social situations,that's where we start to feel that sense of something is wrong with us because we don't see ourselves thriving.And we're like,why am I like starting to like melt into a puddle here,and everybody else seems to be getting more and more,uh,energetic.Uh,so there's little things like that.But,you know,there's misconceptions around introversion and extroversion where we think,uh,or society has told us that being introverted is being quiet.It's being,uh,not great at communication or not being able to,you know,walk into a room and talk to people.It's,um,you know,people who think of introversion,they think of that as being shy and being,uh,you know,lacking confidence.And they see extroversion as being the good communicators.They're the powerful people.They're the,the,the confident people.They're the ones who are good leaders.And so,um,there's a lot of misconception around these qualities that get tied to introverted,extroverted,when really all it is is just where you source your energy from.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love that description of it because for a long time I thought I was kind of a broken extrovert,cuz I do like it.I do like talking to people and being out in new situations,but I do have to recharge on my own.And so it was really interesting when I,I know that about myself,but also I really like people and I got to the point where I would say I'm an introvert who's become a highly trained extrovert and I think I took on personality traits that weren't really natural to me.They weren't benefiting me.They weren't really,um,helpful in any way.So what do you and I,I think I'm probably not alone there when I feel like I was a trained extrovert.Yeah.What happens when people take on traits that aren't natural to them?

Vicky Regina: 

Well that this is,I mean,you could get me,I could talk about this for the next couple of hours,so I'll,I'll try to,you know,limit it.But I think this is the thing that really fires me up is because as introverts we think that we have to become,like you said,highly trained,you know,a trained extrovert,or we have to become a pretend extrovert.I like to say it's putting on that extrovert mask,and I think that's something that a lot of introverts really identify with.Like,yeah,I gotta pretend to be extroverted.But when we do that,we are rejecting those very qualities that make us who we are.We are rejecting just the very core of who we are,our,our identity.Like to say that I have to become something I'm not.In order to thrive in whatever situation you're in,you're having to reject who you really are.So when you think about trusting yourself,confidence in yourself,um,we have,I like to call it conditional confidence.We have confidence when we're not in situations that we have to pretend to be extroverted.And a lot of times what that,that ends up happening from that is I hear a lot of introverts say things like,oh,well,you know,when I am,when I'm with my friends,I'm,I'm extroverted.I.It's like,well,no,you're not being extroverted with your friends.You're just in a situation where you're more comfortable and therefore you are more confident and it doesn't take as much energy to be in that space,but you're not being more extroverted.You're just being yourself and you're being more comfortable and confident because you're gonna eventually gonna hit that wall even with your friends,where you're gonna have to go spend some time by yourself.It's just that the length of time that it takes to get to hitting that wall is longer.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well,and recognizing that wall is really important.Saying,okay,yes,that wall,it's time to be done.Which is really hard to do sometimes.

Vicky Regina: 

Yes,yes.Giving yourself that grace to say,Hey,I gotta step out.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well,and I think while this impacts everyone,it really impacts women.Um,and there's a lot of conversation with women around feeling the need to be extroverted instead of really kind of harnessing our power as introverts.And so,you know,one of the things we really wanna talk about today is the different roles that introverts can take on and how to succeed in them and what that looks like.So whether we're a mom,we're a leader,we're,um,you know,a volunteer,whatever we're doing,as women,what do those roles look like and how can we really embrace being an introvert to naturally succeed?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.Yeah.And you're right.We,as women,we have so many different roles that we step into,and you know,this,and they're different categories.There's like work-related goals,which I,I put volunteer work in that as well because you're,you're performing in,in a role.There's caregiving roles,there's nurturing roles,there's,you know,um,uh,social community roles.So there's a lot of different hats that we're wearing,and I think as,as introverts for us to really embody those and bring our own,our own power to that.It's really important to to examine the expectations,because with every single role,we're gonna have different expectations of what that role need what we need to bring to that role to really be able to thrive and survive and to be successful.And because of all of this conditioning that we have in society around what it means to be successful,our expectations,subconscious expectations,are going to align with that more extroverted,um,character set of characteristics.So the first step is to really understand what are you telling yourself you have to be.Because if you can take a look at that,you may be able to say,oh,you know what?Yeah,I'm asking a lot of myself.I'm asking myself to be something and that I'm not.And so once you recognize that and you start to look at what strengths do I have,you know,and that may take,you know,Googling,like if you Google introvert strengths,Tons of things come up.So it's,it's learning about what those strengths are,recognizing what your strengths like,if you look at that list aligning like,oh,that's,that's something I'm really good at.And then knowing that,hey,that's not a disadvantage.I can lean into that.I don't have to show up as this more loud,more,um,you know,huge personality.I can show up in my more quiet personality,but I'm bringing things to the table that's gonna allow me to really succeed.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well,and it's interesting that you mentioned conditioning in,in society because I think so many of the,the leaders and the people that we see are highly extroverted.You know,the first one that comes to mind right now is Elon Musk.I would describe him as being very extroverted and outgoing and,you know,whether,whether you,um,you enjoy that or,or not,you know,that's not what we're talking about here.But there is a perception that successful leaders are extroverts,which is absolutely not the case.Um,introverts can be really strong leaders as well.Do you have some examples that you've seen in the media of really strong leaders who are introverts?

Vicky Regina: 

Absolutely.Well,interesting you said Elon Musk,because Elon Musk is actually an introvert.Um,as,as is Obama.Obama's an introvert.Um,Bill Gates is an introvert,uh,Warren Buffett's an introvert.Uh,if we look at even in like the entertainment field,which we think entertainers like larger than life,uh,Meryl Streep is an introvert.Um,Emma Watson is an introvert and one of my favorites that I love to share,cuz this usually surprises people,is Christina Aguilera,she's an introvert.And so we have these larger than life personalities of people who are introverts that a lot of people probably think are extroverts,but they're not.They're not extroverts,and they're very successful.

Wynter Johnson: 

That makes me question like,now I wanna go like research who is what.Exactly.Because I would've definitely thought a lot of those were extroverts.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.No,it's crazy.

Wynter Johnson: 

Um,so when it comes to business leadership,what are some of the things introverts can do to be stronger uh,teammates and leaders and managers and mm-hmm.Just overall better.Uh,I don't wanna say performers cuz I think we all have different goals,but just really feel more comfortable in their roles?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,I think,you know,when it comes to being teammates as well as managers,introverts have qualities that really make them exceptional managers and leaders and teammates.Uh,one of my favorite things about,uh,you know,introverts that lead to great teamwork is our ability to listen to other people.Uh,we have that actually also makes you a really good manager.I don't know how many people have worked in corporate where you've had managers that don't listen to you,or you feel like they don't listen to you or hear you.So introverts have that ability to really connect with people,and they listen to people on a deeper level.And so your employees or your teammates,really feel heard and understood,which is just such a gift for creating a team that really bonds together and works well together.Um,introverts also because we don't love the spotlight,we're not necessarily seeking the spotlight.We like to share the recognition.So if we are leading a team,we're not like,oh,it's all about me.It's all about me.We wanna give,you know,John some credit and,and you know,we wanna give Sally some,you know,where her credit,where she,where it's due for her.So again,the team feels much more empowered and recognized.Um,uh,Yeah.Oh,a couple other things that make really strong leaders is their introverts.Our ability to,to,um,I like to say connect the dots.So we're very detail oriented because we're not talking all the time.We are listening and we're paying attention not just to what other people are saying,but we're assessing the energy of the room.We're,we're able to pick out what things,um,are not being said.And so when we do contribute and speak up,we are bringing something at usually a lot has a lot more impact in value because it's got a lot more thought to it.And so that's one thing,like with my clients that I work with,when they're afraid to speak up,like in meetings and they're introverts,I'm like,well,have you thought through what you're,what you're wanting to share?Do you feel like it has a lot of value?And they recognize that it does,but they still have that fear of like,oh,well if I speak up,can I,should I,what are people gonna think?But yet when they re,when they look back and they recognize in the past when they have spoken up and shared things,people do tend to listen because it's,it has,like I said,it has more impact.It has more value.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well,and I think creating a safe space where they feel comfortable speaking yes.Is so important.So as a manager of any team,recognizing that you're gonna have those introverts,you're gonna have those extroverts and creating a space for both of their personalities is so,so important.

Vicky Regina: 

Oh,absolutely.That's something that I,I like to,to talk about as well,you know?For managers,creating that space and recognizing that everybody shares things differently.So there's,there's different things,and that's probably a whole different topic,but there's different things as a manager and team leads that you can do to create that psychologically safe space for introverts to be able to share.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well,and while,you know,having that fear of speaking up and having the fear of,you know,really having the focus and attention on you is certainly a struggle that introverts can have.What are some of the other struggles that introverts have,um,and what are your tips on kind of working through some of those?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,I mean,of my clients that I have,that's the biggest ones,like the speaking up.Um,there's a,there's a tendency for perfectionism as well,and,you know,not wanting to,you know,share things before they're like perfect.Um,which again,I think that comes from,like,if there's gonna be attention on it,they,they don't want it to be like negative attention.Um,but,uh,also,uh,let me think through some of my clients,like what they're struggling with.Owning,you know what?It's owning their confidence.Owning their confidence in what they know,and owning their confidence in who they are.So a lot of what we've been talking about,the being able to show up and not be more than what they're being or being able to set bound.This is actually another one.Being able to set boundaries around their time,um,around their energy.I remember being in corporate and it easily my day could have filled up with back to back meetings and I finally was like,you know what?I gotta start blocking off space in my calendar.And my boss was cool with it.Like I told him,I was like,I cannot do a full day worth of,you know,meetings.And he was like,pull block some time off.Um,so it's,it's recognizing where your energy leaks are and being able to have the confidence to,to create boundaries around that.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love what you just said there,because Allie and I came from an environment that was really,um,fast paced,energetic,and there were a lot of meetings.I mean,there were days that would be nine to10hours of meetings straight through,and that would be really exhausting.Mm-hmm.Um,and at the same time we,um,one of my favorite business books is the one thing which really talks about time blocking and your focus on your one thing,which is an introvert,completely changed the game for me in a lot of different ways.And so having the confidence,like you just said,to block time off and make it intentional time,you know,for me,I have to really focus on,okay,I'm gonna block this time because I need to get these things done.Um,has been really helpful for me,um,personally and professionally,but I didn't until right now see that as an introvert thing of kind of the energy.So that makes a lot of sense.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.Yeah.And there's that,there's,that's twofold too.One is the energy,but also as introverts,because we are so detail oriented when we're working on task,introverts have a tendency to go really deep into it.So if you're constantly getting interrupted,it pulls you out of it,and it's really hard to get back in into that task and to get to the level of depth that you are at.So if you can block time off,it gives you that space to get into things,and you're gonna get through things faster,but you can get into them at the level that you,where you really,where you really thrive.

Wynter Johnson: 

You know,Allie and I have a lot of conversations about two things you've mentioned there.One is perfection.I think we're both perfectionists and we have to tell ourselves,and one of our,our things for this year was progress over perfection because we will tend to hold onto things until we feel like they're perfect when either A,they might not ever be perfect or they're okay less than perfect,and they just need to make their way out into the world or whatever they're doing.And so Allie and I talk about progress over perfection a lot.Doesn't mean we're always there,but it's something that we've recognized we do.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.

Allie Nickle: 

Uh,to your point,Wynter,I have a sticky note on my computer that says,a badly written book is better than a blank page.Yeah.Um,because that's where I struggle with perfectionism as well.It's,you know,it's better to get something out there and make progress towards it than be staring at a blank page and worry,waiting for it to be perfect from the first try.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.

Wynter Johnson: 

And we also both go really deep into topics.Um,especially,I mean,Allie,I know you,I,I appreciate this so much about you,but you will go really deep to understand something and I,all the time you're saying,I went too deep.I don't know if I needed to go this deep on this,but you have a really different understanding of things that you're working on than,than other people that I've worked with.Um,but I,I know that at times,I sense that frustration because you think,did I need to spend that time or did I need to do that?But for you,it's something that helps you feel better when you move forward.

Allie Nickle: 

It is a struggle though because it turns into a way to procrastinate.I wanna keep learning,I wanna keep learning,and it's another way of perfectionism.I don't understand it well enough to move forward yet I need to dig deeper.I'm gonna procrastinate because it can't be perfect yet.So it's finding that fine line there and,uh,it,I never really connected the dots either that that's an introvert characteristic.That's really interesting.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.Which is where time blocking can help,right?Like,you know,saying,okay,I'm gonna give myself an hour to research this and then,It's gonna be ready to go.Done,better than perfect.

Allie Nickle: 

Yes,absolutely.

Wynter Johnson: 

Done better than perfect.Yeah,absolutely.That's,I need to focus on that maybe this afternoon especially.Um,so what are some of the common roles that you see introverts take on in the workplace or their lives where they really feel comfortable.Um,and I don't know that it,it's certainly not fair to say,you know,all introverts like these types of roles.But as an introvert I know that there are positions or jobs or responsibilities that I seek out and others that I tend to shy away from,you know,are there,what do you recommend for introverts who are maybe making life changes at this time or career changes or wanting to grow in their career?What should they seek to,to feel more confident in their decisions?

Vicky Regina: 

Oh,that's a great question because I don't think that there's like specific roles that I could say,oh,introverts should go for this or that because I mean,we,we just talked about some really famous,successful introverts.So I,I don't personally feel that introverts are limited in any way when it comes to certain roles.So if you're looking to change careers or change roles,it's,it's again,looking at like getting really curious with yourself,what,one,are you good at,you know,what are the things that you're really good at?Uh,what are the things that drain you?Because those might be signs of things that you do wanna avoid.You know,some introverts are really great at going out and connecting and networking.Other introverts are gonna be like,that's the worst thing you could ever ask me to do.And so,that's gonna be different roles that are gonna work for people.I have clients who are salespeople,very successful salespeople who are introverts.I have other clients that's like,that would be the worst job ever for them.So it's getting really clear on what,uh,your strengths are,the things that drain you,um,and also asking yourself what sounds exciting,even if it sounds scary.So maybe you've never done sales,but you're like,but oh,there's that little part in me that,that could be kind of cool.That could be kind of fun.That may be a sign that that's a growth area that you could maybe work towards getting into.Um,but,and it may not be something that you might have thought about before,but just paying attention to that little spark,because that might be a sign,that's something that even if society is telling you or you're telling yourself,I could never do that because I'm an introvert,that little spark or fire just needs to be tended and you,you totally can do it if that's something that you wanna do.

Wynter Johnson: 

It's interesting what society tells us we should or should not do as introverts or extroverts.Uh,it's,um,really impactful for some people and I think,yeah,first really,um the first resource or book or when I first really became aware of,uh,introverts was Quiet and the Power of Introverts,and that,I think that was such a game changer for so many people.And I remember having a member on my team who was reading the book as part of their development goals,and they were in my office in tears saying,I never knew it was okay to be like this,which broke my heart that,you know,they would feel anything other than it's okay to be you.But it really changed the understanding this team member had for themselves and their performance and their goals.I mean,it really impacted a lot of it to just feel like I am okay all of a sudden.

Vicky Regina: 

Absolutely.

Wynter Johnson: 

Um,what are some other resources that introverts can look at or that you recommend or use to really understand more about being an introvert?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,I mean,Quiet is like the,the,the primary resource.But there are some other books that I've,um,that I've read and that I use,uh,reference,uh,myself.Uh,there's one called Introvert Power,that's by Laurie Helgoe.Uh,I may be saying some of these names wrong,but that's a really great one.Uh,Introvert Advantage which is by Marti Olsen Laney,or Lanny.Um,and then there's one called,uh,The Secret Lives of Introverts.That's a really good one.Um,by Jenn Granneman and Adrianne Lee.There's some Facebook groups.There's Facebook,there's a Facebook page called Introvert Dear,that's actually by Laurie Helgoe,the one,the author of Introvert Power.That's really awesome because she shares,uh,articles from other,other introverts have written.There's,uh,memes.There's,you know,it's a community of introverts and it's,it's,it's an uplifting space where you recognize that,ah,there are other people out there like me.So that's a,that's a great place.And I was actually just,uh,on LinkedIn,I'm,I'm starting to get more involved on LinkedIn and I was researching this morning and I looked in groups and I don't have any to recommend there yet,but I did a little search in groups about introverts and there are a ton of groups on LinkedIn that are specifically for introverts.So if you are active on LinkedIn,if you're looking for things like even in a corporate space,there's there,I saw groups for,you know,entrepreneurs,um,introvert women.There's a ton there.So that's another place that might be a good space to,to look for some resources and some support.

Wynter Johnson: 

Okay.We'll definitely link to those books in the group that you mentioned,um,in the podcast details.

Vicky Regina: 

Awesome.

Wynter Johnson: 

Um,so I'm trying,uh,I'm trying to figure out the best way to ask this question.When,as as a coach who works with introverts,when people come to work with you,what are some of the things that they're most seeking out of coaching.and and,and what are they hoping to gain?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,great question.So,I would say there's two things that I've seen from the clients that I work with.The first is my,you know,with my corporate clients,I think most of my clients have been corporate clients.But,uh,with my corporate clients,the number one thing that I've been working on with,um,probably the majority of my corporate clients right now is getting to that next level career-wise so they're on that path to becoming managers,but they're not there yet.They want it,even though there's part of them,part of themselves that's like,eh,do I really want this?But they want it.So again,it's that little,that little light,that little fire,but their confidence just isn't there.Uh,and it's interesting as we start to coach around it,they actually do have the confidence,but it's that actually taking action to really start to recognize it.But that's the number one thing with the,with my corporate clients is,is getting to that next level to be being able to recognize themself as that manager person that isn't the loudest,you know,the alpha personality um,and,and believing that they can do that as a quieter person in the organization.So that's been a main theme I've been working on with a lot of clients and other clients that have come in that I've worked with,uh,have been around like relationships.I had one client,uh,that was,she was new in a city.She was in her twenties and she was new in her city and career-wise,she was doing,you know,she enjoyed what she was doing,but she was trying to meet people and she didn't have any friends and she was trying to meet people and that was,she came in in a really,really dark place because she was struggling with that and she really wanted just connection.She's new in this city,and so we really worked through what that looked like,and she was making efforts in that area,but it was,again,not aligned with what was working,what would've worked best for her,and she was judging herself harshly.So it was like this perfect storm of just you know,just it was,it was not a great place for her.But as we worked through it,we were able to again,connect her with her strengths,change her approach to how she was making friends.And by the time we finished,she had a circle of friends and she had a new boyfriend and all these new connections.And it was even feeding into her corporate world where she wasn't necessarily trying to make changes there.But now she was like taking on these leadership roles that she hadn't intended doing.She was leading these Zoom meetings with over a hundred people on them,which she was like,I would never have thought to do that.Um,so yeah,the confidence piece,the connecting with people and the uh,the moving up in careers.

Wynter Johnson: 

Connections are interesting for introverts because if you're an introvert who finds it difficult to really go out and meet new people and have that energy,how do you recommend people create those really meaningful connections?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,that's a tough one because I think we try to go out and,and,and force it.We want it to go faster.I think that's the thing.We wanted to go faster than the pace that we probably need it to go.So as introverts,we,our tend,we tend to be a little bit more guarded.We,it's a little bit,takes a little bit longer for us to warm up to people and for us to let people in.So it's finding those cir those situations where you feel the most comfortable,like kind of right off the bat,even if you're nervous.So to give you an example from my client,she was trying to go to all these meetups that we're going to like,um,you know,it's like,eight to10people of other women,and they're sitting around a table and everybody's talking over each other and she couldn't get a word in.And when we started to switch things,she liked playing sports.So she started to sign up for sports related activities.And so that allowed her to feel right off the bat,more comfortable.And she was able to start having some just smaller conversations.And then after a couple of times,uh,of meeting with him and playing sports,she was able to develop a closer connection with him because she was doing,engaging in an activity that she really loved versus going and sitting at a restaurant trying to talk over people.So if you are an introvert who loves to,you know,if you love to read,joining a book club would be an.An awesome way to start meeting new people.Uh,if you are into sports,you know,joining a local sporting league in whatever sport you,you enjoy,um,you know,if you're hiking,you know,again,like a small hiking group,uh,if you love to cook,you know,taking a cooking class.So doing those things that you naturally love that maybe have a smaller um,you know,if you're doing like a hiking group,it could be a smaller hiking group that has a smaller number of people.It's going to,one,connect you with people that have a shared interest,but it's also gonna put you in a situation when you're already leaning into your own,uh,interest and skills and strengths.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love that.And Allie and I have had a lot of conversations lately,you know,both as moms and professionals,um,about rebuilding our networks and building our circles and being really intentional about who we're connecting with and how we're connecting with them.And really,I love your idea to break down what's important to me at this moment in time in these different areas and then how can I seek that outside of here?Um,because I think you know,having meaningful connections is so important to most people,but especially as an introvert,I really have to have that deep connection there because I find it hard and drains energy to have inauthentic connections.

Vicky Regina: 

Absolutely.Yes.

Wynter Johnson: 

Okay,so what do you recommend to people who are just starting their journey on mental and emotional wellness?They're thinking about seeking out a coach,or they know they have a challenge that they're,they're looking to work through.What's your advice to them on that?

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,I,I think my advice to that is to really,um,just one celebrate yourself for wanting to do that,for recognizing yourself as important enough to seek that,um,support,assistance,help,whatever it is that you're looking for.Um,don't give up and also don't let anybody else,I would say,especially if you're an introvert,you don't have to share it with everybody in your life that that's what you're looking for.You can kind of keep that close to yourself until you find what you need.Um,because you know,you really wanna be careful not to let other people talk you out of it,or,you know,trying to make you feel like you,you know,why are you wasting your time on this?It's really not about them.So really recognizing that,you know,this is,this is a,this is an opportunity to really get where you wanna go and that's awesome and celebrate that and just,you know,stay that course.And if you're struggling with things,also just recognizing that,you know,again,as we were talking about with the introvert stuff,you're not alone.There's so many people out there that are in similar places and just having that knowledge,you know,can make you feel a little bit better that it's it.You don't have to be alone and have to feel alone in that,in those situations.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love that.And remembering I'm not the only one going through this.I'm not the only one that feels like this.It's just really,really important.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well Allie,do you have any other questions for Vicky?

Allie Nickle: 

Uh,yeah,I do have one and I didn't wanna interrupt because it's kind of a tangent question,but,um,one of the things I really noticed,um,is since the pandemic,I feel like either a lot of more people have realized their introverts or they've just embraced their introverted side.And I mean,Wynter and I are lucky enough to get to work from home and everything,but I'm curious to get your thoughts on.Have we swung the pendulum too far?Are we too introverted now?I mean this is a,probably an overshare,but there's days where I'm like,I don't wanna leave the house.I don't wanna put on real pants.And uh,that probably happens more often than not.Um,but I'm curious,is that something where we do need to kind of swing back to middle ground a little bit or what are your thoughts there?

Vicky Regina: 

Oh,that's a great question because yeah,I think the pandemic really opened up a lot of new awareness for people.I remember like after those first init,after the lockdown.Yeah.Uh,a lot of people were telling me,I,I,I became introverted during the lockdown.And I'm like,no,you didn't.You just had situations where now you recognize that you got out of the rat race and you recognized you were able to connect with that side.But that's such a great question.I had actually never even thought about that.Have we gone too far?And I don't,you know,I don't think there's a right or a wrong.I think it is what feels right for you.Like do or you know,whoever may be thinking that.Like do you feel like it's gone too far or is that again,just that societal conditioning telling,telling you it's not okay to sit at home for a few days in your sweatpants and chill out?So there's that question.

Allie Nickle: 

Yes.Well,and I have noticed I sometimes crave that social energy.I'm not always capable of creating that energy myself,but it has to be the right social energy.Otherwise it is extra draining.Um,and I think it's more draining now since the pandemic than it was before,just because it's not something I'm used to every day.It's not conditional anymore or I don't know if that's the right term,right term,but um,yeah,it's been really interesting.Um,Observing all that versus my husband,he couldn't wait to get back to the office and he's an engineer,so I think they're all introverted,but they all need to be face-to-face and he couldn't stand being at home.I mean,they would all on Zoom calls,they'd have their cameras turned off and everything,versus I would be face-to-face like this,you know,on Zoom calls with all my coworkers and they needed to be present to build on each other's energy,I guess is the way to put it.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.Yeah.And I totally get that feeling sometimes too.You know,when I,now that I just work from home,I work for myself and sometimes it's like,okay,I've been probably been at home for a few too many days here.And so in that case,even though it's like,ah,do I really wanna take off my like sweatpants and put the jeans on and do whatever,and it's like,just go to a coffee shop.That way I don't have to necessarily interact with too many people.It gets me out.And it,that always,for me at least,does the trick where it's not too much,but it's just enough just to give that little extra like outta my house boost.

Allie Nickle: 

Yes,I have uh,started taking advantage of that as well and it has paid off for sure.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.

Wynter Johnson: 

So I have a,an interesting question in this.Um,do you find that introverts seek permission to be introverted?And for example,you say like,you see,like I'll see someone on TikTok and they're like,I'm staying in today in my sweatpants.I'm like,oh,thank God it's not just me.And if you can do it,I can too.Like I feel guilty for being introverted sometimes,and maybe that goes hand in hand with guilty for self-care when my self-care looks like being alone and being low key,but I really seek that permission to be my best introverted self.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah,that's such a great question and so true.I think that absolutely is true that we do look for that permission to just be ourselves because it's in contrast with how we think we're supposed to be with how society thinks we're supposed to be.So putting it out there,if somebody's brave enough to put out there that I'm just staying home with my sweatpants today,that is like really feels empowering.Like,okay,one,it's not just me,but it's okay enough that somebody else put that out into the world and shared that.Um,there's a,there's a courage behind it that helps empower us too,to say like,that's okay to do that.But yeah,I think you're right.Like it that guilt that we feel,and I think that is very uniquely women,right?Like we feel guilty for taking any time for ourselves which makes it doubly hard if you're an introvert,as a,you know,as a woman,because you have to have that space.And so yeah,there comes that,that,that judgment of ourselves then we ask permission,like,is it okay?Yeah,it is.Okay.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well,that's interesting.Like just ask permission of yourself.Like as if someone,if my,if I had a friend say,you know,is it really okay for me to just chill today?It's been a long week in a heartbeat,I'd be like,oh my gosh,yes,I'm gonna send you dinner.Like it's asking permission of ourselves in a way,and it's in an accepting way,is a really interesting way to get around that.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.I always like to say treat yourself like you treat your best friend.Like if your best friend would like came to you and said,Hey,is this okay?Or,you know,oh,if I'm upset about something,like we tend to be our harshest critics and the things that we say to ourselves,we would never say to our best friend.So treat ourselves like our best friend.think this was wonderful just to have this conversation and to,to be talking about,uh,you know,for introverts to hear that it's okay to be introverted and it's100%okay to really lean into that,and you don't have to change who you are in order to be successful in life.In fact,I like to say like the more that you lean into your introverted spirit,the more that you shine without having to sacrifice your energy or without having to be like overly exposed.

Allie Nickle: 

I love it.Go ahead,Wynter.

Wynter Johnson: 

No,I was gonna say I really love that too.Like the more we can lean into ourselves in every possible way,the happier and healthier we are.

Vicky Regina: 

Yeah.Yeah.

Allie Nickle: 

I think that's a great place to end.Uh,thank you so much for tuning into the See you in the AM podcast.We're your hosts,Allie Nickle and Wynter Johnson.And the very special thanks to Vicky for taking the time to chat with us today.

Vicky Regina: 

Thank you.

Allie Nickle: 

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