Skip to content
See You In The AM: A Mental Health Podcast

See You In The AM:
A Mental Health Podcast

Available wherever you get your podcasts.

Episode: Limiting Beliefs with Alina Shuvalova

Show Notes

"The simple idea of just believing in yourself, it's such a cliche thing to say, but that's everything...believing that you can change, believing that in your own abilities is everything."


In today's episode, we will discuss mindsets, self-sabotage, and limiting beliefs with Aspyn Coach Alina Shuvalova. Alina is a certified Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner, with a Master’s degree in linguistics and intercultural communication with a passion for helping others find their voice and reach their full potential.

Helpful links from the episode:

---------

Aspyn Coaching is the self-guided therapy app to help you when you need it most. Stream on-demand coaching sessions and resources. Starting at $5+ /month. Download the app now.

Start your day started off right with a free self-guided therapy video from our expert therapists and coaches with some mental health guidance every morning. Sign up for daily emails here.

Connect with Aspyn Market:

Transcript

Allie Nickle: 

Hello, and welcome to the See You in the AM podcast, where we explore the many facets of mental health and wellness, share our personal experiences, interview mental health experts, and offer practical tips and resources to help you prioritize your mental wellness. I'm your co-host, Allie Nickle from Aspyn Market, and I'm joined by my friend, business partner and founder of Aspyn Market Wynter Johnson. We know there are a lot of mental health resources out there, and it's overwhelming to find the right resources that fit your needs, time and budget. So we're here to help. In each episode, we'll talk with one of Aspyn Market's mental health experts, and dig into a mental health topic that we know so many of us struggle with. In today's episode, we'll discuss mindsets, self-sabotage, and limiting beliefs with Aspyn Coach Alina Shuvalova. Alina is a certified life coach and NLP Master Practitioner with a master's degree in linguistics and intercultural communication with a passion for helping others find their voice and reach their full potential. Hi Alina, and thanks so much for joining us.

Alina Shuvalova: 

Hi, Allie. Hi, Wynter. I'm really excited to be here, And we are so excited to talk to you about mindset and limiting beliefs. I know this is something I personally can relate to as well. So with that, I'll hand it over to Wynter to start us off.

Wynter Johnson: 

Thanks Allie. Alina, we're so excited to talk to you today. We've been listening to a lot of your sessions on Aspyn Coaching, and I can't wait to really dig into mindset mastery, but also limiting beliefs. That one's really been interesting and triggering for me to really think about where am I limiting my own beliefs and how is that impacting really what I'm doing right now? And it was really interesting how many different areas where I saw that pattern. So I can't wait to dig in more. But before we do that, would you mind telling us a little bit about yourself, how you got into coaching, really your areas of focus and just overall what you're up to right now?

Alina Shuvalova: 

Yes, of course. As you mentioned, you've had experience with limiting beliefs. So that was the biggest idea behind that for me as well. So with limiting beliefs, with mindset and everything, confidence, all this combined I got into coaching because I've struggled with my mindset myself and since I was a teenager, I've had this voice in my head telling me that everyone else is better than me. When I was at the university, even if I was at the top of my class, I still had this voice telling me, this is not enough. Everyone is better and you're not. When I got my first job, even before applying for my first job, I had this notion that they're not gonna choose me. Why would they choose me? Right when there is everyone else. And with this idea like, everyone is better than me, then, et cetera, et cetera. So I've struggled with this for years and I didn't know when I was a teenager that a lot of people struggled with this as well. And once I found that, that notion of an imposter syndrome, then I discovered a whole new world of how to approach this. Then I found out that the voice in my mind is it's normal, but it shouldn't be there all the time. That imposter syndrome telling me that I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, right? That I am not as good as everyone else. That's when I started digging into the reason why, right? Why is this voice present in my mind? And that was the main idea behind me starting. Or getting into life coaching in general. And I signed up for the course with NLP Center and it helped me a lot with neurolinguistic programming and all the transformational techniques that we did. It was, I saw a big breakthrough, right? And then I found out that voice in my mind, that part of me is actually here to protect me. It's not my enemy. It is actually my overprotective friend that is trying to protect me from failure. That is, it's a little part of me who is trying like, okay, even if you're not gonna get the job, I'm here. Don't apply for this job so you don't fail. And that's, that was the biggest breakthrough for me, knowing that this negative voice in my mind could be, My friend if I accept it right? So that's how I started with life coaching. And my main focus is mindset, limiting beliefs, because everything is of course, connected. Negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, confidence, it's just melting pot of everything, right? So that is why I'm focused on this based on my personal experience. And I know a lot of my friends, men and women, they struggle with this too. So I am really happy to be a part of Aspyn Coaching because then end with my videos. I can let people know that they're not alone, that it's not the, like I felt at the very beginning, right? They're not alone. They can relate to this problem and actually start doing something towards improving their, the quality of lives.

Wynter Johnson: 

Okay. I love how you got into that, and I have so many questions related to what you just shared there with your story. And one of my questions is, you mentioned that the little voice is there to protect you. So how do you know when to listen to the voice and kind of step away or when to push through power through, have that self-confidence to say, I should apply for the job, or it is safe for me to keep moving forward. How do you separate those different messages you're getting?

Alina Shuvalova: 

That's a great question. To me, how I look at it, it's like peeling an onion. You always have to keep asking why, right? It's a very simple question if you look at it. But if you ask that little part, why are you doing this right? And you dig deeper with each question, why a new level opens up, like why are you saying this to me? Why? Because I want to protect you from failing. Why? So you don't feel embarrassed, for example. Why? Because then it will bring you down. Why? So you keep asking yourself this question till you get to the core, right? To the core of the problem. Because that is where all the problems lie. It's whatever is on the surface. Whatever that little voice is telling you, it is not everything. There are so many layers to it, and it takes time and actual dedication and willingness to accept the answers. Because you might not like the answers. Because that raw deep feeling that is inside of you, you might not like it, but you have to face it. Because if you don't want to face it, then whatever, everything you do will be just simply superficial. But in life coaching, like in the NLP, there's this idea that all the parts of you are here to help. The ways they do it are not good. That's where self-sabotage and limited beliefs come from. But the general idea, if you accept the general idea that they're here to help, that was the most difficult part for me to accept. Why is this voice telling me that I'm not good enough? But once I started asking myself all these questions, I got to that core idea. that was deep inside of me. And then I started approaching all the different situations in a little bit different way. I shifted the way I looked at this.

Wynter Johnson: 

And you're right, sometimes you think, okay, if I dig in and I do the work, I'm gonna get to the next phase. You don't expect it to feel the way it does sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't feel great, or you have answers that really are uncomfortable or these questions that you don't know the answer at first. And so you really have to sit in some of these different phases, which really can be uncomfortable from time to time. And I think for me, that's where limiting beliefs can creep in. So can you speak to us a little bit about those limiting beliefs and the role they play in mindset?

Alina Shuvalova: 

Yes, of course. Limiting beliefs. It's something, as you said, it's unconscious. And a lot of people are not even aware that they have them. They think it's just simply that's the way they are. And they just accept the way they are. They accept just a very simple example. I'm such a loser. Everyone else is doing so well. Everyone's got a good job. They're making, a lot of money, and here I am right at this point. So this is not the way you are, these are your limiting beliefs. And the biggest thing is that yes, they are very destructive, and because we simply don't even realize how they are affecting us, and they make us so unhappy that's where all other mental health problems come from. So the good news is that we can rewire our brain. It will take time. Because it is not a magic wand. Once you realize, okay, I have limited beliefs. Okay, let me reframe it. And that's gonna work. That is not how it's gonna work. It will take time. But the most important thing, like it was in my situation, is actually to realize that first I have limited beliefs and in what spheres they are. Because for example, you can be very confident in not have any limiting beliefs when it comes to your friends and family but when it comes to your work, for example, that's where your limiting beliefs are. So you have to realize in what area they are and what your limiting beliefs are. I know it sounds easy, but it's not because you always have to dig deeper. Not the superficial, oh, I'm not good enough. Why? So you always have to dig deeper and realize what your limiting beliefs actually are, and then, The way you would decide to shift your thoughts. The way you will have to reframe them, because that is one of the ways how you can get rid of your limiting beliefs. First, you will have to write and identify your negative beliefs, and then you will have to ask yourself some questions. For example, what evidence do I have to support these beliefs. Do I have any kind of evidence? And then you realize no, I don't, this are my personal feelings and this my thoughts, right? Or, maybe on the opposite, I have facts that I'm doing great on my work, based on my performance, for example. And then you will have to one of the ways you can transform this thought. So for example, I'm not doing great, how can you transform it? And you can transform it, for example, I am capable and I'm doing really well because of these facts. And that it will make you feel more confident. It will elevate your self-esteem as well. But the main point also is to give it time and make sure all the part, all the self, the sabotaging parts of you are in agreement. Because if only one part of you wants to change and another part is nah, I'm okay where I am the end, that is not gonna work. You have to ask the other part, are you willing to change as well? And then that would be the biggest step to actually not only reframe your thoughts, but believe it. It's one thing if you write down something, you have to believe it if you want to really change.

Wynter Johnson: 

So you mentioned something really interesting and sometimes it can be hard to really believe something you know in your mind that you might be capable of something or something might be approachable, but it's hard to believe that. So when people have a really hard time believing something, how do you encourage them to shift the part of them that doesn't wanna change or the part of them that doesn't really believe what they're telling themselves?

Alina Shuvalova: 

Okay. That's definitely a very interesting question. So the first step would be to, again, identify why your other part does not believe that you can change. For example, what is the reason. Again, there could be a lot of factors, but as an example, I could use, for example, the fear of failure. A lot of people have that, right? The fear of failure, that's why they self-sabotage and they don't want to apply for jobs or the fear of failure in social situations. That's why they don't go out, right? There could be all those different examples, but you have to ask yourself what the main reason is that your other part is not willing to change at this particular moment, right? And understand that main reason. And the second one and after this, you would have to keep showing yourself the facts that you can change, right? And that you will believe the facts. You won't probably believe just the the simple idea like, oh, I can do this. What are the facts? So use the facts. Use your experience from the past, even if it's a very small experience. It doesn't need to be something very big. Even all the small things you just need to keep reminding yourself and all the people are different. If you're a visual person, write it down. And maybe affirmation cards, that can help as well, right? Think about the examples from your past when you succeeded, right? And when you think that you can change, look at this, right? Look at the examples from your past and remind yourself that you can, so that will help you believe a little bit more every time you try to do this.

Wynter Johnson: 

And I love that idea of looking for evidence, facts, examples. I was doing an exercise in the Aspyn Workbook the other day about making assumptions. And I think there's so many times where we really believe something. And when you ask yourself, what is the evidence? Or why do I believe this? And you realize that, there's nothing surrounding it, and you really need to dig deeper and figure out why you're making that assumption or why you have that belief. It can be impactful when you realize the evidence isn't there.

Alina Shuvalova: 

Absolutely. Because in a lot of cases there's no evidence and there never is. And sometimes it can be like an aha moment. When you are trying, okay, write, find the evidence that you're not good enough. Okay, what are the facts, not my feelings. What are the facts? And in the majority of cases, there are no facts. There's just that little part of you doing something to protect you in a lot of bad ways. The simple idea of just literally try to find something to prove me that I'm not good enough, that I can't do this. And then you, when you can find that would be the first step to realizing your potential is unlimited.

Wynter Johnson: 

And there's that voice trying to protect yourself again. When you're trying to really think through why you have those beliefs or what you're doing, that voice tries to protect you. It's emotional self-preservation. But when you start to break that down, you can have a lot of growth. There's a lot of opportunity to move forward there.

Alina Shuvalova: 

Absolutely. And one of the books that I absolutely loved when it comes to self-sabotage was written by my mentor Mike Bundrant, and it's called Your Achilles Eel and it's the hidden cause of self-sabotage. It was literally life-changing book for me. It describes all the ways, how we self-sabotage ourselves, different kinds of attachments and why we do this. When you read it, you would be like, I wish I had read this book sooner. That was my feeling when when I read it, I was like, where was this book when I was 16 years old? But I'm glad I did read it.

Wynter Johnson: 

And it's interesting that you mentioned 16 years old and your story. You started out by sharing that you started to have these thoughts when you were a teenager, and it's really interesting right now I have a teenager, we have a lot of teenagers in our world right now, and especially teenage girls and the thoughts that they're having and the mindset and the limiting beliefs with social media and some of the struggles that they're having. It's really difficult to watch. And I imagine this internal struggle is just really growing right now. What would you say to teenagers who are really starting to feel this, starting to recognize this, you just wish you could tell yourself to read that book. What would you tell other young kids, young women who are feeling like this?

Alina Shuvalova: 

So my biggest advice would probably be don't try to do something because it's trendy. Don't think that if it worked for someone else, that it would work for you. Because automatically we think if something is trendy, it is going to work for me and if it doesn't work, okay, I'm a failure. The simple line, I don't know, like keto diet for example, it was a boom, everyone tried it. And I had a lot of friends. I personally never tried it because at least I didn't want to do that. But I know my friends, they all felt like a failure because it didn't work for them. But it was so trendy. There were so many books, everyone was talking about it, and when they tried and it didn't work for them, they felt like nothing in the world would work for them. So they gave up. So the same for teenagers. There are so many things right now on social media that is the biggest friend and the biggest enemy. There are so many things that teenagers see on a daily basis and they get overwhelmed with all the kinds of information. I think it's very important to have an honest dialogue with the teenagers about self-esteem and activities that you can do to improve their self-esteem and have this dialogue because we'll always think teenagers they will, they will learn from each other, et cetera, but it's very important for them to know their limits and what they can have. The simple goals of what they want to achieve and how they can achieve them. And emotional intelligence is very important at this age as well, because that's where our feelings and reactions towards everything, all the situations that we have in life, they form at this age so it's important to have small activities to at least do something towards their self-esteem.

Wynter Johnson: 

I feel like we can have a whole other episode there just on teenagers and self-esteem and decision making and what that looks like. But so back to mindset mastery, I feel like mindset mastery and you hear a lot about manifestation lately and it's not a new thing, but it's definitely top of mind. Can you speak to us about how manifesting and mindset mastery and limiting beliefs kinda all go hand in hand and how you work with your clients on those topics?

Alina Shuvalova: 

Absolutely. Manifesting is mostly a big part of an abundance mindset. So that's why I'm manifesting just sitting and saying the good things, all the good things will come to me, it's not particularly manifesting. That's where the idea, oh, that didn't work for me comes from, because if I'm just sitting here and that telling okay, I want to get this and that, and then in a day or two I don't get that we'll be like, okay, why didn't I get that? I tried to manifest it. No, manifesting is a part of abundance mindset and mindset is such a big thing. And when we realized that there is enough resources in this world for everyone to receive, we can let go of a lot of negative feelings like jealousy or maybe envy. And you would actually believe that everyone can receive something from this world. And you change the perspective. You are not a victim in this case. You are a leader. And so when you change your mindset to the abundance mindset instead of a scarcity mindset you open that space in your mind and your soul to receive good things and with this mindset, you still have to be willing to receive. Because we'll all say, yes, I want a better job. I want this, I want that. You are willing to receive it. For example, even a simple example with compliments. How many people are uncomfortable with compliments? When you, someone compliments you and you're like, eh, it's a cheap dress. Or you look great. Oh, that's a cheap dress. You try to always come out of I am, and you send in the signs and the feelings to the universe that you don't deserve to get that. Even that little compliment, so you have to deep inside but believe that you are willing to receive something. And that's what a big part of manifesting it is. Not only saying things out loud, what you want, but actually work towards it. And your work starts at your core and then it's a constant work. It's never easy. Manifesting if you do that right, it's a lot of work because you have to persuade all the parts of you that you deserve something really good. You deserve everything and you have to be willing to transform the way you think, and that can take some time. So you have to be ready to spend time on it because that's the part of the abundance mindset with the scarcity mindset you always want things immediately because if I don't get this now, I will never get that. So you have to be patient and keep working towards the goal. So that's the biggest part of manifesting is also is.

Wynter Johnson: 

And shifting from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset can be a really complicated thing to do. And it's interesting also that you mentioned the compliments there because I think we are conditioned, we're trained at some point to shoot down those compliments and to not accept them, which I think it goes hand in hand with confidence. And you have a lot of sessions on the Aspyn Coaching app about confidence. And what do you say to people who really, you just you don't have that self-confidence or you aren't feeling it at this particular time, and you do things like you don't pursue your goals or you bypass the compliments, or you kind of just sit back and hide. How do you encourage people to get past that?

Alina Shuvalova: 

Yeah, confidence is such a complicated thing. Confidence is, again, rolled into the whole idea of your mindset, the self-esteem, limiting beliefs, negative cell talk. It's so complicated, so when people would just tell me, okay, why are you so afraid of social situations? And you can be just simply confident, just go and do that. It's not that simple. You can't just become confident in the second, because then I would have to change my whole mindset in the second, and do that. So confidence is something that could be situational, for example vice versa. You could be very confident in all the social situations, but when it comes to your work, maybe you're not that confident in your skills, so it's very important to differentiate the type of confidence as the situational confidence, and there is the the emotional confidence. I like actually the notion of emotional confidence when you can prepare yourself so you will feel confident in that moment. For example, job interview Like I, I was talking about that because it came from my personal experience as well. I try to play out how the job interview would go, right? And I try to think through the questions that I would be asked, right? How would everything would work out? And that helped me a lot. And I want to point out the difference, not feeling anxious about the future thing, right? Not telling me, oh, this is gonna go wrong. No. Actually thinking about the questions, preparing myself, how the situation would be, gave me enough emotional confidence to be prepared for that moment. So during the interview, I was more relaxed because I prepared myself in advance. And the idea of simply not feeling it well, my question would be, when do you feel it? If you right in this situation, I don't think, if you're waiting for a particular moment for you to feel confident, I don't think it will just come by itself if you're not gonna work on it. So what I do, in a lot of cases, I would put my favorite song before an important event, right? So that's my way I listen to in this one, feeling good, right? I would always, this is like my mini ritual and it gives me confidence. I don't know why, but it just simply does. Find something very small. That makes you feel good. So at the beginning, you don't even need to feel 100% confident. You need to feel good about yourself, right? To have enough energy. And then with this, the confidence will come at the moment, okay? Because if you, that, that's what I'm talking about, the particular event, right? If you need to have confidence immediately, but at the same time, if you want to work on the confidence, you have to cover a lot of things like negative self-talk, like we already mentioned. You have to be able to reframe the negative thoughts and that will boost your confidence, right? It's just the consequence of it. The same with self-esteem. What can you do to boost your self-esteem? Again, do you want to listen to the song? Do you want to talk to your friend? Do you want to do something, do that, right? Apart from the coaching exercises and et cetera, what is the small thing that you can do to help yourself right at the moment? And a little thing can go long way, that's for sure.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love the idea of doing something that makes you feel good. I think there's so many times where you power through the day, you're going through the motions, you're trying to get stuff off the checklist. And then I know for me, there'll be times where I turn on a song at night while I'm cooking or something, and all of a sudden you realize you do feel good and you didn't even take five minutes to do that throughout the day. And if, you allow yourself that time and that space to have those little moments, I think it can keep you going throughout the day, throughout the situation, whatever it might be that you're trying to get through at the moment. But even allowing ourselves to have those moments is a big step that I think a lot of us just forget about. We don't create time for, we don't make space for. And I know that's been a big personal goal of mine.

Alina Shuvalova: 

That is true self-awareness. That's the biggest thing, when you are self-aware of what makes you feel good, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you angry? It's when I talk about this. With not only my clients, but with my friends ah that's easy. No, it's not, because if you actually sit down and you would think about your behavior, your actions, right? And then you try to see what exactly caused it, right? It is never easy because you need to get to the root of the problem. So self-awareness to be self-aware is the first step towards working on your self-esteem and your confidence as well. Because if you know that a particular situation causes a negative response from your side, how can you challenge that? How can you be in the situation and maybe react differently? So that's that is something I'm still working on. And this is that. For me, and I'm pretty sure for a lot of people it would be a lifelong journey. It never ends, right? Because if we think okay, I'm going to do this coaching exercise and I will watch this video, I will feel better. Unfortunately, this is not a magic wand, right? You have to be willing to work on this every day. When you wake up, what do you do first thing in the morning? How do you frame your mindset? You wake up and you are, okay, I'm so tired. It's Monday. I don't wanna do this. So you looking the whole day with that negative mindset through negative lenses. So no matter what happens during this day, even if it's something positive, will always be looked at Ugh, I'm not feeling, I don't wanna do this. But if you wake up and you might not be feeling it right then that's okay. It's okay not to be okay. You still wake up, you feel tired, and you're like, okay, I'm not ready for this. What can I do to change that? And again, in my example, I always put this on feeling good. Sometimes as sometimes it muse depending on my particular mood. And something changes, some something, small changes. You should not wait for like fireworks and aha moment. No. If something small should click in you, and that would change the whole perspective of how you're looking at your whole day. Like even my dogs for example, they would do something funny and put me in a good mood. Something small. But you have to be grateful for it because something small can lead to big change in the end. So you have to accept that and be happy for yourself for a very small change as well.

Wynter Johnson: 

And it is those little day-to-day moments that can just, turn your day around. And I love that you mentioned that this is a process. It's a journey because I think there's so many times where I find myself in a situation with, potential triggers and you think, how am I here dealing with this again, I thought I worked through this in the past. And you never know when they're gonna come up and what that looks like. And you have to remind yourself, I'm going to keep being faced with this. And just because I've done the work, I've done the coaching, I've done the therapy, doesn't mean it goes away. It just means my perspective and my ability to deal with it differently in a more constructive way that changes. And so I constantly have to remind myself, same situation, different place, different skill set now.

Alina Shuvalova: 

That is true and all the negative thoughts doesn't mean that it will be the same as you said, right? Different situation, different thoughts, and you will have to be able to challenge them all the time. It's constant work. It never ends. It does not mean it doesn't get easier, but it will not stop. For me, if I have a negative thought I would still have to challenge that. It just happens a little bit faster for me. The first thing to realize I have it what this thought is why it came and challenged that, okay, I can do it in a couple of minutes, but I have to be actually doing that. It's not that the negative thought comes in and you're like, okay, whatever. No, that's not gonna work. You have to accept this thought and challenge that. It could take a couple of minutes, but that's okay. It doesn't need to be a full, I don't know, 30 minute meditation session. It can be as quick as a couple of minutes, but you have to do the work. And that is the biggest thing I've noticed, unfortunately, a lot of people want to have a quick change. Quick change never happens. And this as I said, that comes from the scarcity mindset. And that's okay if you have that is not a bad thing. But if you realize that you only want quick things in life immediately, I don't know, get rich, get a good relationship, right? And you don't get this immediately, then it is like an avalanche of all the consequences of your behavior. Maybe procrastination, maybe, I don't know, all the other bad things. So you have to understand that it takes time and you need to be patient. I know those are simple things to say, but it goes a long way when you accept that you will be working towards it for a long time because it's not about the result, it's about the transformation. It's about the process that what matters, right? We have to notice the process and what a lot of people are focusing on is the actual destination, right? Is the result. So they disregard this process. That's why sometimes it, the change doesn't happen because they're not paying attention to the whole process itself. They're so focused on okay, I just wanna get that, the results. But they're forgetting about the process. So you need to be willing to work, and I'm meaning you have to be willing. All the parts of you. All your parts. They have to be willing to work together to change.

Wynter Johnson: 

Well, and there's so much happens in the time when you're doing the work. There was a situation recently in my life that I've been kind of looking for for the last couple years off and on. And when it finally happened, I was so grateful it didn't happen earlier because I thought if this had happened two years ago, I would not have been ready. I'm not in the same place that I am, and it would look very different. So I think being open and accepting to the fact that it will come in time if it's meant to be, is something that's really helped me kinda wait out those periods where you think, why isn't this happening right now? I have to tell myself it will happen when it's supposed to.

Alina Shuvalova: 

Absolutely. And this is something that's a great thing that you mentioned, this being ready. If you want something and you are not ready for it, what good is gonna do to you in, in, in the long run? So that's absolutely a great thing to mention that what comes into your life, what come when you are ready, right? So we, it is a simple idea of letting all those beliefs that everything needs to happen to me right now rather than in the future. Letting this idea go and because that what you mentioned is the part of the abundance mindset, being accepting the good things when you're ready. But you were still working towards them, so that's absolutely a great thing. Yes.

Wynter Johnson: 

So when it comes to mindset mastery, where do you find that people really struggle the most, not only at the beginning of the journey, but all phases throughout this process?

Alina Shuvalova: 

The biggest thing is I noticed that a lot of people are happy to start, right? Because that's when they come, they realize that they have those limiting beliefs, right? Negative self-talk, that little voice. What they struggle the most that I noticed is doing the work in, that's all in the middle, right? It is actually, when you start off, you are like, okay, I am willing to work with myself. But when you actually have to do those things, that, and when, as like couple of weeks pass by, right? And okay, I'm not seeing any changes. So a lot of people would just give up, right? Again, the quick results. So the biggest challenge is to just stick into it and not give up on yourself. Don't, if you do an exercise right, or you have a journal in your journaling for 30 days and you don't notice the progress, that's when a lot of people give up because, okay, it's not working for me. And that could be true. It might not be working for you. Like I mentioned earlier it's okay if it's not working for you. Find something that actually would, right? But if you want to give up just because of the time aspect of it, then it would not be the right thing to do. So the process, the how much time it actually takes to break the habit, right? And form a new one. That's where the struggle is. And it is real because every day it's not that you come to my session, for example, and we do an exercise and you go and completely transform person. That would be an amazing session for me, right? If that would actually happen. But everything happens outside of session too. The same with those videos, right? You watch a video and then you do a coaching exercise, for example. The negative thoughts, right? You have to keep constantly doing that throughout your day, every day. The negative thoughts, recognizing, replacing, it's a lot of work. It sounds easy. When I first introduced this idea okay, we'll do this and it can get overwhelming. So maybe you shouldn't do it with absolutely every single thought that comes to your mind, but all the meaningful ones, the ones that actually create consequences up for your actions, right? So before you act on something, ask yourself, is it the best way to go? So I would advise, probably be patient with themselves in the mean of believing in their own abilities, you should not believe in me, right? But because it actually does not matter be everything that they have, it's in their minds already. That's why I love life coaching, right? All your resources are you already have them. They're inside of you. You just need to be able to find those resources that you already have and use them in the correct way, in correct situations.

Wynter Johnson: 

What you just mentioned is such a huge part of the reason why Allie and I created Aspyn Coaching because there are so many times where we would have a coaching session or a therapy session, or you do an exercise and you feel motivated and then you step away and the next day you think, now what? And you need to keep going, you need to keep doing that work. You have to sit in the moment. Some are better than others, but how, and so we really wanted that resource where every day you can go and say, okay, this is what I'm gonna do. You can make it a continued journey because there is no timeline on this. There is no aha magic moment, like you said of that session was amazing and now I'm transformed. It really is it's a journey that when you decide, this is important to me it's something that you have to focus on every day, every week, every time you find yourself in a situation where you wanna grow or you're struggling with it, whatever it is, it takes energy and effort.

Alina Shuvalova: 

Absolutely. And the simple idea of just believing in yourself, it's such a cliche thing to say, but that's everything. And life coaching, believing in yourself, believing that you can change, believing that in your own abilities is everything. It's crucial to keep reminding yourself that we all can change, right? It, no matter what doesn't, it doesn't mean it will be quick and easy. It may be long and painful, but you're still working towards something that will transform the quality of your life. So the patience and the idea of believing in yourself is something that you'll always have to have no matter what through the whole journey. Absolutely.

Wynter Johnson: 

It's important. So what piece of advice would you give someone who is focused and just starting out on their mental health and wellness journey, either through coaching or therapy, or whatever they're choosing to do? What's that key advice you would give them?

Alina Shuvalova: 

First thing is, I guess do not ignore red flags, right? If something happens, don't think that it's okay. Don't think it's normal to have social anxiety. Don't think it's normal to have those negative thoughts or self-talk, right? Sometimes it can be small. We all have that, and that's okay. But sometimes it can lead us to destructive behaviors, right? When you, I don't know, shut down from your friends and family, or when you miss on so many opportunities, right? And maybe you start procrastinating and it leads to something else like an avalanche, right? So first, don't ignore the red flags. And second work with your hearts, right? First, recognize what the actual problem is because that's very important. Is it? What is the sphere of life that is where you have that problem and be willing, 100% be willing to work on it. Don't believe in magic, quick results, but be patient and willing to work on something and believing in results.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love that. And patience is key. I, we, you've mentioned that a couple times, that it just really is the time and effort are really important.

Alina Shuvalova: 

Absolutely.

Wynter Johnson: 

So we know that you're a part of Aspyn Coaching right now. We're loving your sessions on confidence, limiting beliefs, self sabotage, they're awesome. What else are you working on and what are you focused on both personally and professionally right now in your world?

Alina Shuvalova: 

So I am working on developing more life coaching resources, like different kinds of worksheets, exercises, journals, and planners. So that is the biggest thing that I'm working on right now. My biggest goal would be create a whole membership, so to say, of resources, of coaching exercises, and maybe even also for coaches as well, right? Because when I started my journey unfortunately I didn't have a lot of resources to use to know what's good, what's working and what is not, so I would like to be able to give just a little bit of what I can to other coaches and see maybe they can use that as well in their sessions, right? So that's what I'm working on right now and That would be, and I also love creating videos for Aspyn. It takes my personal experience too. That's where a lot of sessions and the ideas for those sessions come from my personal experience, right? That's the mindset mastery. I keep working on more videos. And the same with confidence and self-esteem. I'm planning on adding more videos to this to the platform as well.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love it. I can't wait to see them. I can't wait to see all of the stuff that you're working on. So last question for you. We know a lot we hear a lot about how important self-care is in a lot of different ways right now. What do you do for self-care to keep yourself balanced as you're working on all of this? You've got a lot going on. You mentioned earlier, you recently moved. There's just so many things out there that can be distracting and overwhelming and self-care looks different for everyone. And what does it look like for you?

Alina Shuvalova: 

So one of the big things that I try to do is to set the boundaries when it comes to work, when it comes to social life, I am working on letting that fear of saying no go. That is the biggest thing. So a part of my self-care is actually not feeling guilty when I have to say no. Okay. And it can come in a lot of different ways. And I also noticed that yoga helps me a lot. And let me tell you this, at the very beginning, I did not believe that yoga would be for me, right? Because I thought yoga, I didn't have enough patience to stand in the poses and all. But then I figure out there are a lot of different types of yoga. And one of my friends, he actually when I lived in Tennessee, he was my yoga instructor who became my very good friend. And I absolutely love yoga. It helps me clear my mind and do something with my body that would boost my confidence. So that would, that is one thing. If I don't have time to do yoga, I would again, listen to music. I, I am the person who loves music. Listening to. Whatever's all dependent on my mood. Also, I consider a part of self-care as well, and sometimes in the evening if I'm just simply tired, I just cuddle up with my dogs and if a husband is home then probably talk to him and elevate some of the, I don't know, worries that I've had during the day. That helps a lot too.

Wynter Johnson: 

I love that. And boundaries are so important. It's amazing how differently you feel when you start recognizing, establishing and sticking to your boundaries. But that's a, another whole other session. I feel like we've had a couple of those. Allie, anything that, any questions you have or anything that you wanna add here?

Allie Nickle: 

I guess the only question I have relating back to confidence is how does fake it till you make it mindset really fit into all of this. I feel like that used to be something that, everybody just said, and now it feels more controversial. Some people say it's good, some people say it's bad because it brings in some negative aspects to it. So I'm just curious to hear your thoughts on that.

Alina Shuvalova: 

That's a great question. I was thinking about that as well. Fake it till you make it. That's the everyone used to say that to me too, right? Just, I paraphrase it to myself in my mind. Keep doing it till you believe it. Okay. That's how I look at it. You don't need to fake it. No matter what you do, you doing it right. You just need to believe that whatever you doing is good. And I know there is a TED talk on this whole thing, and there is a research that actually if you do something, like if you change your posture and you behave in a more confident way, it changes the chemical balance in the brain and the, it tricks your brain to thinking that you feel more confident. And that's true, right? So just keep doing something or adjusting it until you actually believe it. That's how I probably would reframe this phrase. So it would take off that negative aspect of actually faking, because in reality, you're not faking, you're still doing it.

Allie Nickle: 

I love that and I love that rephrase. Keep doing it till you believe it. That just feels more positive. Like you said, it's not, you're not faking it. It's the same mindset of, dress for the job you want. And I know especially during covid, a lot of people lost that They were working from home, they're working in their pajamas, and it really shifted a lot of mindsets and I know I can relate to that. Wynter, I don't know if you can or not but just there's something about everything you can do physically and mentally in order to really help build that confidence. So I just, I really love that.

Alina Shuvalova: 

Yeah that's definitely, especially during the covid, a lot of letting yourself go went to extreme it's okay to wear pajamas and all, but I do believe that if you start noticing yourself that you are letting yourself go in all the different aspects, not on like clothes and everything. Then it would unfortunately have some kind of a negative effect on your mindset as well. So it is important to find a balance. So when you, I don't know, look at yourself and you're like, okay, I'm feeling good about myself. And you don't have to be in a great mood. No, it's not about this. It's actually feeling good about yourself, right? And trusting that whatever you do will work out. So that would be the most important thing.

Wynter Johnson: 

Like you mentioned earlier, finding those little things that make you feel good, whether it's in the situation about yourself, it's just so important. And Allie, we've talked a lot about getting out of those covid habits that were built and how they make you feel and what that transition timeline looks like. And when you go back to some of those things that you did before Covid and you realize that felt good it was really impactful

Alina Shuvalova: 

for you, right? That's true. And also the collective mindset. That's what I mentioned again, like with the trends and all. So everything that you see on social media and all the trends and that collective mindset right, makes you do things. Then you realize that it's not working for me, and that at that moment you have a choice to feel bad that it's not working for you, or to actually accept that's okay and you will find something else, right? So that at the crossroads you have to decide is it something that I want? And I will let bring this thought down, right? Or it's something that I will work through and try to find something else that actually would work for me.

Wynter Johnson: 

Thank you. I cannot thank you enough for your time today and sharing all of your experience and all of the things that we can do to limit those limiting beliefs, grow our confidence. And like I said, you have so many sessions on this, on the coaching app. But Allie, I'll hand it back to you.

Allie Nickle: 

Yeah, I just wanna second what Wynter said and just thank you so much. This was helpful for me. I know it'll be helpful for our audience and hopefully it'll help some people out there really shift their mindset into that, continue to do the work. I think that'll really resonate with a lot of people. Thanks for tuning in to the See You in the AM podcast. I'm your co-host, Allie Nickle and my co-founder Wynter Johnson. A very special thanks to Alina for taking the time to chat with us today. Our goal at Aspyn Market is to make mental health, self-guided therapy and coaching resources available to everyone, and we just skimmed the surface today. If there's anything we discussed today that resonated with you and you're interested in learning more about ways to help your mental health, check out our app Aspyn Coaching, where you can get unlimited access to hundreds of hours of self-guided therapy and coaching from our team of Aspyn Coaches. Just head over to AspynMarket.com. That's Aspyn with a y. To start your seven day free trial. Now get full access to all of our features for seven days, including featured daily videos, guided journeys, journal prompts, downloadable resources and exercises. The path to a happier, healthier you starts here. Until our next episode, we hope you have a wonderful day and we'll see you in the am.